Saturday, December 24, 2005
X'Mas Musings ...
Every year, I seem to dislike Christmas more and more. It seems so commercialised, so misguided, so cliched. Touted everywhere is "the spirit of giving", "spread the joy" and god knows what else.
Spent the day at Grandma's place. Meals were as delicious, but there was a certain air of gloom. No one was truly happy, so to speak. Aunty Cat's family was visibly missing, after an especially strategic planned trip to Malacca. I wonder what the hell has she to avoid EVERYONE of us. Another stupid, petty "problem".
Two years ago, I had the most fucked up X'mas eve ever. Period. I didnt even know why in the blue hell I went to her place .. but it was horrible for the both of us. In the end, I was gloomy at Grandma's place. Was the first time in 3 yrs I spent Xmas without her.
So ended the nerve wrecking chore of finding the suitable present, doing endless amount of interviewing and recon work, scouting for the best prices. "Hurray".
I don't know how long will it take for me to really let it all go, if its possible in the first place. Thankfully, there are things like FTX (full troop excersise) and BPT (Battallion Profiency Test) and ATEC and India to keep me well occupied.
I've wondered what would happen if we lasted till now. I think the answer is pretty apparent: We wouldn't have lasted. Too many problems lying ahead. Waiting for us to quarrel over it, to cry over it, to worry over it, and to break up over it. I'm even afraid to see her again. Well done.
Seriously, I think I did alot of things wrongly. I waited too long to start things up. And to stop things. Procrastinated incessantly to the brink of paranoia. Heh.
God damn it. I wanted to get quite a few things for myself, but in the end, decided against it.
Actually, I'm glad that I'm doing standby tomorrow. Everythings a blessing in disguise.
Posted by Unknown at 12/24/2005 10:28:00 pm